Moments

Now at this moment life has come to an abrupt stop. Not regarding the daily activities of life but the way that life has slowed down to catch up with the last few years that I had.
I compare them to a bad episode of an intervention because of my sons addiction.
I knew my son was back to using by his behavior. My son's relapse madness started in 2015.
I asked my husband to help me do an intervention to try to suggest rehab for him. His response was no response. He said he didn't want my son to file a police report on him.
My husband doesn't have any criminal history but he just said something crazy and off the wall.
When he said that I looked at him like he was an idiot. I said WTF are you talking about?
Well fast forward to now and this is why things have slowed down.
The clock keeps moving and I'm slowing down to try to catch up.
My son and his addiction is very painful to see. He was locked up for 7 months but now he's out and all I can do is pray for divine intervention.
August 2017 I received a call from a doctor from Bellevue. I thought my son was dead. Thank God he wasn't. He was taken to BellevueCPAP, the One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest wing of Bellevue. He hadn't slept in months.  I went to see him and it killed me. Seeing your adult child having auditory hallucinations in front of you was a helluva lot going on.
Yeah that's the type of shit that went on in 2017. After his release he was here at my house withdrawing. Now prior to this he was supposed to show up for his felony court case in Connecticut but he was a no show. My son went back to the city and I had to go rescue him each time.
My son hit rock bottom from my view point but he didn't think so.
When we bailed him out of jail he was supposed to go right into rehab. He had other plans. He asked my husband and I to bring him to the New Haven CT police station where his personal belongings were. He knew we were then taking him right into a rehab facility. When the truck stopped he bolted outta the truck and ran into the police station. When I say it was an insane experience, I kid you not. Then my husband tries to grab him and he ran. I follow him into the police station and explain what the necessary course of action was as per his fuc*ing probation and they surrounded me like I was the inmate! I went back in the truck and I was hysterical crying.
I don't cry because I've always had to be strong  but when I do, I basically convulse with entire body tremors.
This was April 2017.
One time I picked him up from a drug binge run. I asked him where he stayed. He said he was sleeping on park benches.
As far as my husband's disconnect with not getting involved, that was the worst thing to do. Lesson learned, now he's tuned out. He's summoned when I need him because that type of behavior goes both ways.
My husbands disconnect and douchiness has been present since early on.
Why stay? I'm great at detachment myself because I've been on my own since I was 17.
My nature is compassion and understanding so that's where I place my energy.
As far as my son, I pray.