The last almost 3 years of my existence since 10.19.19, the horrific morning my husband died have been so overwhelming for me.
Especially the first year.
Again I lived in suspended animation.
He sadly never listened to me about his health. His cholesterol at one point... about 2017 was an extremely high number. It was over 400! Yes, you're not reading a typo.
He neglected himself to a point that was very concerning to me.
We had several conversations about him neglecting himself and about six months prior to his passing, I told him he needed to request an urgent evaluation to get to the root cause of all that ailed him. I even seriously considered becoming his Guardian through Surrogate court so I could make his health care decisions.
But as usual, I was disregarded. I was disregarded on just about anything and everything I tried to do with him.
Sad but true.
Men not listening to their wife or girlfriend or in some cases both will, for the most part be a very bad error in judgment.
I thought we'd grow old together. Instead I became a widowšµš«.
The morning I found him gone was by far the worst day of my life since September 11th, 2001. Yeah that's a whole other drama which I've already written about.
The day I had my husband's memorial service, no one from his darling family acknowledged me, except his cousins That's because he told his son & his family we were divorced! Another lie!
They forget that when we met he was overwhelmed with stress from the previous relationship he was in which in hindsight, was a precursor to our relationship. He was self destructing . If he hadn't met me in July 2003 he would have passed away long before 10.19.19!
They were well aware of how he spiraled back in 2003 with the root cause being his broken heart caused from his ex-wife who had her boyfriend who she left him for while he was out of town busting his ass to provide for his family!
I did file for divorce and we went through the motions but he begged me to withdraw the petition with the promise of him changing and making "us, our marriage his priority. " Another fib.
In their narrow point of view these beings actually thought it was my fault that he died! He had chest pains the night before and l said let's go! We're going to the ER and he said NO!, 3x plus. So not to argue with him and go back and forth I just kept checking on him.
An hour later I told him I was calling and ambulance and again he became agitated with me. This he time he said "don't do that."
I swear on my life and the biggest stack of religious writings that have been written since the beginning of time, this shit really happened!
Yeah, it was my fault that he worked like a dog. It was my fault he ate meat daily and smoked two packs of Black & Mild mini cigars. One pack of Black & Mild mini cigars are equivalent to one twenty pack of cigarettes. It was my fault that he had high blood pressure and he was pre-diabetic too! And he suffered from sleep apnea.
Yeah, these beings had me tight!!
They would have loved to see me lose my mind but all of this bullshit drama only made 10x stronger.
Imagine spending fifteen years of your life with your spouse/significant other and caring and loving that person with all that you have and in return they don't have it in them to reciprocate love and compassion back?
If you do, then you'd have a full understanding of what I experienced.
Now I know it's behavior I grew accustomed to because my Mom wasn't warm and fuzzy with me. Not ever. She was an amazing strong woman and she was as cold as ice with her emotions being how she grew up. She was born in 1928 and grew up in the height of the depression.
We gravitate to what we feel is comfortable to us.
Now the last order of business with these beings is for his son to continue making payments on the Jayco 5th wheel RV. I gave his son the RV, a 2016 Chevy Silverado with 66k miles paid in full and a very significant amount of money which he never paid taxes on. All of which I didn't have to do because when you die in testament without a will in NYS, surviving spouse keeps everything. Considering how poorly I was treated, I still did the right thing.
I didn't know about his latest fib until after his son said via text, that he thought we were divorced.
This poor kid was lied to so much by both parents that I truly feel sorry for him because that's not the way to be. It's not the way to be with anyone, nonetheless your children.
My message is this, when someone you're in an intimate relationship lies to you and you find out early on, remove yourself from that situation so you don't suffer and second guess yourself.
